Staying Positive

     To me, staying positive is a lifestyle change that never gets a day off. We all have bad days, but being positive and happy is something that takes a lot of work, but is totally worth it.
      So, where to start? Sometimes, being negative is easier than being positive. A lot of us are used to being down a lot of the time, which is really unfortunate, but think of it like a snowball. Once you get the ball rolling, it just keeps getting bigger and bigger until it's way out of control. Just like feelings: you can have a bad day, you can fail a test, you can have a fight with a friend and all of a sudden you feel like life is too overwhelming. I want to tell you how I deal with days like this, because once I found what works for me, all it takes is a little thought and my day is instantly brighter.
     First of all, wake up early. This sounds horrid, but it's worth it. I like to wake up early because this way I can eat breakfast, make my lunch and look presentable. This instantly makes me feel like my day is off to a perfect start. Every morning, I usually read from Demi Lovato's book: Staying Strong 365, which has a page with a quote and a goal for every day of the year. It really inspires me to use my day for good and good only. Next, treat your body right. A lot of you are probably wondering what this has to do with being positive, but trust me, eating foods rich in nutrients makes you happier. It worked for me, a girl who was raised a picky eater- eating pizza probably three times a day. If I can eat well and exercise, anyone can. Oh yes, and exercise. Even if its a walk around your neighborhood, exercise is a great way to clear your head. All your stresses and burdens just go away when you're running, or biking etc. It's my therapy. Your body is your temple, and at the end of the day you will be with yourself forever, and it is about time you treat your body with the kindness and self-love it deserves.

     All of these factors play a role in staying positive, but the most important thing to do is simply choose happiness. No matter what a day has thrown at you, remember that nothing exists other than the present. The past and the future do not  matter, so stop stressing about what you have to do, or what you could have done. Do one thing right now that you're afraid of doing and I promise you that you will never waste a day of your life. To chose happiness, remember that if you're angry- you chose to react that way. If you're sad- you chose that as well. So why can't you choose happiness?

Why I Love to Run

     If some of you may know, I'm a runner. Maybe not the best one ever, but I'm one nonetheless- and I absolutely love everything about it (which is probably why I talk about it so much, so sorry for being super annoying at times). I thought today would be a great time to talk about how running has shaped and changed my life, considering track season just started this week.
     First of all, running has made me stronger. Whether it be physically, or mentally, I owe all of the strength I have gained in the past few months to running. Running has not only strengthened my legs, heart, and core tremendously, but it has also strengthened me mentally as well. I run distance- which is all mental. In order to run three miles or more without stopping, I had to learn the hard way. I'm not the strongest person physically, and I have really bad asthma. So, for me, getting through a long run requires everything I have. It's not the highlight of my day at times, in fact my first week of practice during cross country season I remember crying. A lot. Practicing everyday relentlessly has helped me figure out how to find that motivation to keep going in hard times: whether it be a 10k run, or something totally not related to running. I had to push through that pain every single day to get better, and I am so thankful I learned this skill when I did.
     Also, running is like therapy to me. Whenever I'm training, or just jogging my base mileage, I pour a lot of my emotions into getting through the run as best I can. In the end, I feel like my mind and body was washed down, and I'm very relaxed. Running serves as a great distraction too, so if I ever have a bad day I go for a run because I forget about all of the bad moments I've experienced prior. Running in nature is the best when it comes to this, because being around beautiful forests and lakes makes me feel at home wherever I am.
     One more thing I love about running is that because of it, I am able to set goals and follow through with them. I remember the first practice I attended in the summer, it was one of the captains practices and it was one of the worst experiences of my life. I never ran with anyone before that, so keeping up with people was an extra pressure added on top of being the only freshman there. I ran with a few of my now really good friends, and I'm so thankful to have had them by my side that day. Without Maria, Becca and Madeline, I never would have gotten through that course. After that day, I set a goal for myself to be able to at least run a 5k. I did not care whether I stopped during it, or even if I dropped dead at the finish line. I worked hard everyday to strengthen my body, and at the end of the season, I must have shaved minutes off of my time from that captain's practice to the last race I had. I felt so driven that whole season, and regardless of all of the rough practices and workouts, I was so proud of making it through the season.
     I am so glad I picked up running as a sport, and a lifestyle. Running distance is difficult, but it's taught me skills that I will use forever, and I wouldn't trade that for anything in the world.

Music And Why It's My Best Friend

     Music. To me, music is like an overly attached friend or pet who never leaves me, because you will never see me without my ear buds in my head. Over the past few years, I have learned just how much I need music to get through the day- it's pretty much an addiction of mine now, but there's something about music that one can't pick out of the top 40 on the radio.
     Let me elaborate: I'm not into pop music (except Demi Lovato). In fact... I'm a metal head. Actually, I'm in to rock in general, but metal is my favorite. I'm also a huge fan of rap music- usually throughout the year I'll switch in between the genres quite a few times. Right now, I'm in my rap phase, which I shouldn't call a phase because over the past year I've pretty much gravitated to rap more then rock, but that's okay. A lot of people put rap in a box, they think it's all about gangs and violence and other bad stuff, but it isn't. Rap is all about success. There's something about it that a lot of people don't hear- yeah it's fun to listen to when you're having a good time or on an ego trip, but it's very complex and creative. The beats are so intense that you can't listen to it without your headphones on full blast. Some of my favorite artists are: Childish Gambino, ScHoolboy Q, Tyler the Creator and Earl Sweatshirt, Drake, J Cole, Kendrick Lamar, Mellowhype and so many more. It's something you can listen to whenever, it can be calm, or it can be crazy and I absolutely love it.
     As for rock... don't even get me started. Rock has shaped my life for the past four years in a way that I can't explain. The amount of time I have put into the genre, and the number of concerts I have been to wouldn't do me justice. Rock comes with a community, with a gateway to unforgettable memories with people you meet right then and there. The music, to me, is the best genre out there. It's music is so layered and detailed that you could listen to a song ten times and still find new things about it. The lyrics are so meaningful and personal that anyone can't help but relate to them. I could go on forever about the positive affect it's had on me, but I want to go into my favorite bands which are: Pierce the Veil, Parkway Drive, Bring Me The Horizon, Balance and Composure, and The Story so Far. My all time favorite is Pierce the Veil, though. I don't want to sound crazy, so I'll leave the explaining to a sentence: I would not be who I am without their music.
     Music is the love of my life. Whether it be Gambino one day, and Parkway Drive the next, nothing sounds as good as an amazing song feels. Never judge a genre by it's fanbase, and never go a day without it. Personally, I'm not sure what I'd be doing with my life if music wasn't keeping me as happy as I am.

My Route To Happiness

     Today, I'd like to share with you the part of me which I cherish most. I am an artist, by definition, by appearance, and by mindset. Everything I do is in the name of art, and my life has been heavily influenced by it. I have no problem saying that I would be nothing without art, just like some of you would be nothing without your passions as well.
     I can't explain how it feels to be an artist, but I can show you.

     I drew this in seventh grade- I remember working six hours on it, and being so proud. A few weeks ago, I decided to recreate it in color, just to see how much I've grown. This is the result:

 

     I am truly baffled, still, that I even drew this. To me, this represents not only artistic growth, but emotional growth as well. I can look at the first piece and remember where I was in my life- who my friends were, and even how I thought about everything. It was as if my life was black and white, just like the piece. When I look at the bottom picture, I can't predict anything about me because I am so much different. I am living and breathing in color. I am alive- more alive then I've ever felt, and whenever I see this, I remember how much better it is from the first one and I smile, because it feels as if I'm marking the beginning of a new chapter with a piece of art. I have a few more pieces I want to show you as well. I used to use a lot of human body parts as metaphors; I pulled these from my earlier books: 



 

     To you, they seem abstract I bet, which is why I will not tell you much about these. I want you to see what you see, because that is what art does. It shows people what they need to see. To me, these have very different meanings, each of them. To you, they might be relatable or irrelevant, and I don't want to change that.

     Each of these expresses my feelings in a healthy, beautiful way. I also paint as well. I paint my furniture when I'm bored, and I'm in love with how therapeutic it is. Art is the love of my life, some days I'm set that my future is going to consist of me in a little apartment just creating all day and all night. It's my backbone, my safe haven, and I wish that it wasn't taken as lightly as it is. I feel like if art has changed my life, imagine what it could do for the world.

     Art is a powerful tool. Whether it be a coloring book or a canvas, even an instrument, I encourage you to create. One of my favorite quotes explains what I'm trying to: "Last year I abstained, this year I devoured- without guilt, which is also an art." Art is all around us, in the trees, in the sky, and in our blood. Before I go on forever, I'll end this post saying one more thing, which is cling to your passions. They can give you wings.

    

 

Another Day, Another Demi

     Everyone has that person in their life who they look up to more than anyone. Someone who they go to first for anything. Maybe it's a parent, or a sports player, but for me it's a singer. I see her as so much more than just a singer though (although her music is extraordinary). I see Demi Lovato as an inspiration, and as a warrior. Demi has been through so much- from an eating disorder to struggling everyday with bipolar disorder, and the fact that she can still get on a stage every night boggles my mind. She is definetly a role model to me in the fact that regardless of what happens, she bounces right back up and keeps going. She doesn't let anything define her, and she knows what she wants. She's my everything, and October 22, 2014, I was fortunate enough to meet her. 

      I don't want to tell you about my day at the arena, waiting three hours for thirty seconds with my hero, but I want to tell you how beautiful things that simple can make you feel. You see, once there was nothing but a curtain in between Demi and I, everything good I've ever experienced because of her came back to me. I've met one of my best friends through her music, and I thought of her. I've spent hours watching her interviews and smiling because of her smiling, and I felt that. I remembered when I got her third album for Christmas in seventh grade- I made my mom take me to the store because I wanted to make sure she got the right one. I felt that and once the curtain opened everything I wanted to tell her disappeared because she was real and I was shocked. I managed a few words and all I can remember is a look we shared. It was as if she knew how much time and love I've put into her without me even telling her. 

     Being a fan of something or someone is different then feeling as if they are your own angel. Demi is my angel, along with millions of other people, and to have spent even ten seconds with her makes me feel like I've known her forever.
     Nothing makes me more thankful though, that I got to see her live for the second time afterwards. Seeing her do what she loves brings me so much joy. The way that she performs with so much passion is remarkable, and to experience seeing her do that for the second time is such an accomplishment of mine. My friend and I snuck up to the barrier of the stage for the encore, and when she looked at me and sang I felt like she was talking to me. I feel like Demi and I are celebrating our lives and our accomplishments together whenever I see her in concert, and it breaks my heart to know that she won't be back in the states for another year. I hope that on her next tour, I make even more memories with her than I have now. She'll forever be my inspiration, and I thank her for showing me how to be a warrior as well.
 

There's A Memory That Keeps Playing Through My Head And...

     There's a specific song that I listen to that brings me back to the same place in time in my life. I remember waking up on a late June day to a text message. A friend of mine wanted to hang out, and I hadn't even talked to them in ages let alone see them, so I was very hesitant at first. I agreed though, simply because I knew that if I let this pass me by, I'd forever live trapped in a "what if."

     I remember walking down to one of the elementary schools in my town- as I walked I thought of how awkward that day was going to be, but I laughed it off. I always did. I got there a half an hour early, but I wasn't the only one who thought to leave early. I greeted my friend, and we decided that day to go on a hike. We hiked up a small mountain, to the top, and we started exploring. We ended up finding a rock that we could sit on to overlook the nearby pond, and wow was that beautiful. I remember being out of breath, maybe by the hike, but now a days I think it was because I was having such an unforgettable time. We sat there for hours and just talked. We talked about everything, and I don't say that lightly. Now its a blur, but one thing isn't. I remember overlooking the pond and just soaking that day in. I still see the sun and the way it hit the trees, even in the day time. I still see the glimmer of the light on the pond and I still feel the infinity I felt in that moment.

     We later ended up building a fort out of sticks, and seeing snakes and finding a ledge where we dangled and looked over a dried out swamp. That was the end to one of the most fun days of my life.

     That day taught me that yes, maybe things aren't the best one hundred percent of the time, but regardless of how bad anything may seem, nothing can overshadow the good in life. The beauty, the happiness and the love that you feel is always more important than any fight or feeling that isn't the best. So whenever I'm doubting my path or my choices, I remember that day and I smile knowing that a journey is far more beautiful then any destination could ever be.

Sacredness Of The Ordinary- My Drawing Notebooks

They sit throughout my room, in their own little shelf, or box, or even in the palm of my hand. It’s nighttime- particularly a cold one, and I know this because the heat is turned up a little too much. It’s been a long day, and honestly, I’m more drained than a sink. I have things that I can’t quite process, feelings that are building up and they’re a mess, so I open my notebook to the next page and I start drawing. A lot of people ask me how I think of the things I draw, and to be honest I don’t. I just think, and I vent to the paper and I wait until its done and then I reflect. Sometimes I don’t even feel like it was me who drew it, but I see the emotion behind it and that clears up any confusion.  

     This has become a part of my daily routine. Whatever time of day it might be: noon time, evening, or the wee hours of the morning, if an idea comes to mind it needs to get on paper. I can’t explain it, but being an artist comes with side effects. It’s not too bad, unless you consider waking up at 1 am with an idea and not being able to go to bed until you draw it as being so. 

     There are five. Each book has its own personality, if you shall, and each tells a different story. My first one isn’t the most powerful, but I see the potential of not just the piece, but of myself at the time. Art has a funny way of doing that too, it’ll always show you how you were at a time without even meaning to. My second one means the most to me. Given to me by a past friend, nothing means more than a book that represents someone encouraging you to grow. My third was a turning point. From black and white pencil to color, it shows my life blossoming into something I had no idea was possible.  My fourth was my favorite. An entire year of my life is preserved, along with the people and places I was fond of. My fifth book? Its in my hands. Its processing and processing and one day it’ll be done but until then all I need to do is feel. Regardless of what I feel it’ll end up in this book, and for that I have no words. That is why these books mean everything to me- because they’re my little diaries. Art turns a lot of bad things positive, and nothing feels better than looking back and seeing something worthwhile.

      Very few people see my drawing books as safe havens. I guess that’s what makes them special to me. There aren’t any memories that stick out to me on why these are so important in my life, because I am reminded every single day. Every day I have the opportunity to fill another page, and every single day I make another entry. My drawing books are a collection of memories and emotions that will continue to grow for the rest of my life.