My Future n Stuff

     I've always been the type to preach living in the moment. At concerts, I barely use my phone, when hanging out with friends, I try not to only focus on taking pictures together. I spend a lot of time just absorbing my life and its motions. Although this is the case, High School has me in the cycle of waking up and wondering what I could do today to prepare for my future. Everyone spends their days preparing for tomorrow- preparing for the rest of their lives, and most are so caught up in that mindset that they don't even realize the life they DO have flashing away before them. This... idea has been in the back of my head for the longest time, and there's this inner conflict that stems from it. Some may call it giving up, but to me, I have become more awake to the reality of the future. The truth is, there is no future, nor no past. There is only right now- this one second I am in, and from this second I will travel to the next like the last one never happened. I found a quote online a few days ago that reads, "No amount of guilt can change the past, just like no amount of anxiety can change the future." You have no idea how this impacted me. It really set straight the conflict I had with all the days I had scheduled, and all the stress I was putting on myself. I realized that I can't spend every day going to school and doing well because I'm afraid to fail. I shouldn't be afraid to fail. I should be able to walk into that building every day like yesterday never happened, and do what today's best is. Last Cross Country season, we had a mantra, "Today's best today," and to me, that is how I want to live the rest of my life. If today's best today is waking up early, putting myself together, and feeling ready for the day, so be it. If today's best today is only having enough strength to brush my hair, great. Every day is a gift- every day is an idea. A day is one of those objects you draw in art class that has all these asymmetrical faces, and when your class sits around it and draws it, everyone draws something different. Everyone chooses the seat they sit in- maybe because it looks easier to draw from that angle- just like some people choose easy ways to look at their lives and their futures: go to school, get an education that guarantees them a job that pays well, and live a comfortable life. Me? Well, today I aspire to be happy. Tomorrow, I might aspire to sleep on park benches forever, or maybe I'll want to live off the grid in the woods. Who knows, I certainly don't.